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I'd like to convert a web page like this and have the program filter it for the comments, rather than include "permalink, source" or irrelevant page elements.

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    We will need much more information to give good recommendations here. Please take a look at What is required for a question to contain "enough information"? Then please edit your question and see if you can incorporate some of these improvements. E.g. are you looking for a ready-to-use programm? Then what OS should it run on, what should the output look like? Or are you looking for some library to do it yourself – then what programming language should it be for? In both cases: Any budget you're willing to spend? – Izzy Nov 5 '15 at 18:31
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A very general question so a very generalised answer:

The following tool chain can, (on just about any platform):

  1. Scrape a web page
  2. Identify specific elements
  3. Read them out loud

All of the above are Free, Gratis & Open Source, and cross platform so will work on at least Windows, Mac OS-X and Linux your question didn't specify a platform.

An example for Linux using the command line tools, (curl), and some of the above:

curl -s http://api.icndb.com/jokes/random/ | python3 -c 'import html.parser, json, sys; print(html.parser.HTMLParser().unescape(json.load(sys.stdin)["value"]["joke"]))' | google_speech -

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