I answer to this part of your question:
if someone comes up with a scripted excel alternative, I'm all ears.
AutoIt is a script language which allow you to automate the Windows's user interface, mouse and keyboard actions included.
It's a programming script language, so it´s very powerful, but it could be complicated for an uninitiated public, but you seemand then to be confortable with programmation. Actually a macro recorder is provided, very useful for learning itby-pass your security restriction.
To cover your needs AutoIt provides basic file access function (like you did it in Python I think) to read your .txt files' content. Then with its Windows gui's automation you can write the content into your Excell file (I recommend to use key trigger instead of mouse one's) like a human would do it.
It's a programming script language, so it´s very powerful, but it could be complicated for an uninitiated public, but you seem to be confortable with programmation. Actually a macro recorder is provided, very useful for learning it.
AutoIt is well known for the large amount of game bots created with it. Personnaly I used it for automating text copy/paste and sending it throught the network.